Drink this.

What is it?

It’s a vitamin drink, silly boy. Don’t you trust me?

Yes, but what’s if for?

It’s good for you. Just drink it and quit arguing.

Are you sure?

Oh, stop being so paranoid, and drink the fucking stuff.

Ok. There. Are you happy now?

Very. Here, let me take the glass and put it in the dishwasher. How are you feeling?

Ok, I guess. Why? What did you put in that drink?

I told you it was just vitamins.

Why is it so cold in here?

That’s just a side effect. It will go away soon.

Side effect? From what? What was in that drink?

Quit worrying about that. Remember when you missed my birthday party because you were out with Brad and Carl?

Yes. I told you I was sorry.

You did. And remember when I asked you to pick up my sister’s books from school when she was sick and you forgot? And she ended up having to retake the test? And almost had to retake the entire semester?

Yes. That was a real fuck-up. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.

Yes, you said so at the time.

I must be losing weight. Look at how loose the waistband of these jeans are. Funny, I didn’t notice it when I put them on.

Never mind that. Remember when you told me you were fishing with your dad and I found out later that you were at Mary Theresa’s party?

Nothing happened. I told you that.

Yes, you did. But you lied. I had lunch with Kelly today and she told me exactly what happened at Mary Theresa’s party.

She’s lying. You know how she is.

She is not lying. You are lying. And you are doing something else, also.

Did you see that? I crossed my leg and my sneaker fell off. What the fuck?

I said you are doing something else. Do you want to know what?

What are you talking about?

You’re shrinking.

Get out of here. You’re crazy.

No, dear. I figured since you were such a small man in the ways that count, you might as well look the part. Look behind you. Your head isn’t even reaching the back of the sofa anymore.

This is crazy. It’s some kind of joke.

No, it’s perfectly real and isn’t going to stop. I gave you a very special vitamin drink.

Ok, then. I just won’t drink any more of that shit.

You will. Because very soon your stomach will cramp. It will cramp bad. The only antidote will be more of the vitamin drink.

Are you fucking crazy?

No, not at all. Here, let me help you down from the couch and we’ll go see the cute little crib I bought for you. Pretty soon you will be sleeping in it.